Reflections of Things Not Quite Past
by Pomodoro Crisi
Summary: He still didn't quite know why he was there, but he'd get him out even if it killed him. Because for that Antonio, he'd do anything.   Spamano AU Warnings: Angst and possible OOC  there is a point to it though


**Reflections of Things Not Quite Past**

Lovino sighed and rested his head against his pillow. It had been far too long a day for him. Though, if he were to be honest, it was one of the better days in a long time. Antonio had actually looked at him today. It was terrifying, but the way his eyes had lit up, as if they were back in school and just passing each other in the hall, had sent a chill down his spine he had almost forgotten about.

It had been a few months since he had quietly joined the gang Antonio had become a part of and he had seen the Spaniard on a daily basis since. Today, however, was only the second time Antonio had seen him. The first time had been coincidental, but the flashes of emotion that had passed through those emerald eyes had been both amusing and frightening. At first, he had looked stunningly happy, the tired lines of his face disappearing to let the boy that Lovino had fallen in love with shine through. Then, after realizing where they were, he was confused. After all, Lovino had shown up after two years in the one place Antonio had always been sure to keep him away from. Hell, Lovino had been surprised to see _Antonio_ there and he was the entire reason _he_ was there. Before that he'd just been hoping this was all a horrible joke Francis had cooked up for him. After confusion, there came anger, which was the frightening part as Lovino had not known whether it was directed at him or someone else. But, as quickly as it came, the anger was gone and replaced by the intense look he'd come to associate with Antonio. It was the same look he had had when he'd told Lovino he loved him, just before the face of the earth.

He had no idea what came next because he'd run all the way back to the apartment he now shared with Francis and Gilbert before anyone could see the tears streaming down his cheeks. He had been waiting to see Antonio for two years and now… He hadn't known what to do. All he'd known was the he'd wanted to run back and sob into Antonio's chest and punch him until his knuckles bled for leaving him as he had. He'd wanted nothing more than to run back and bring Antonio home with him and never let him go.

Unfortunately, that was counterproductive to the plan.

So he'd made sure to find him at least once a day, check on him and make sure he was still breathing. It was what got him through the day. Antonio was alive - more or less, as his eyes were never quite as bright as they used to be - and there was still a chance to save him. Seeing him everyday made it easier to get through the nights when all he saw was that smoldering look that made him forget his own name and woke him up to damp sheets and cold sweats.

Today… He hadn't been paying attention and had literally run into the man. Antonio had caught him, apparently recognizing him as he held him against his chest as if they were back in Lovino's living room. Lovino had sworn and started to apologize before he'd realized just who was holding him so close. He'd gasped quietly, feeling his cheeks begin to burn the bright red color Antonio had always teased him about. Antonio's eyes lit up, the smile he'd always gotten when Lovino blushed twitching at the corners of his mouth. He'd wanted to pull him down and act as if it were just them and kiss him until he died of asphyxiation, but he'd pushed him away and ran to an abandoned bathroom - where he'd stayed until he had stopped shaking enough to walk home.

Now, as he waited for his usual sleeping pills to drag him into the dreamless sleep he'd come to covet, he thought about the way Antonio had looked at him and promised his Antonio he would get him back home no matter what. He still didn't quite know why he was there, but he'd get him out even if it killed him. Because for that Antonio, he'd do anything.

* * *

**So this is a little preview, I guess, of a Spamano I'm writing (which won't be posted until I've finished it since it's really just a way for me to work out some depression issues and it's entirely based on real life problems I've had, though there are things changed so that it fits the characters and the story itself better). I'm not quite sure what I think about the idea yet, but once I finish I'll post the whole thing and yeah, you guys can decide for yourselves. It's be really cool to hear your ideas of what you think happened before this point though, this will probably be like, 5 chapters in or so. Of course, I won't tell you if you're right or not, it'd give away too much. **


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